can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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