I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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