you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
