Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
