Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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