She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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