I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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