Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
