I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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