But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
