ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
