peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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