i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
