Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
