you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
