You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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