How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
