i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
