also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
