dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i love accidental penises.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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