apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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