i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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