I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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