fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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