I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm passing your future prison.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
