I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
