I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
