addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
