Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
