They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
