Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
