I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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