after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
