What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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