Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
