So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
