you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
