So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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