You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
