She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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