I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
