she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
