At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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