And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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