i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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