i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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