My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
