allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
