Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
