Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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